Listening to the moment....

I have spent most of my life trying to out run my past and trying to catch up to my future. Never feeling like I was were I needed to be. Always feeling as though I was a bit lost, but that my good intentions and aim for my future were pointing me toward the right direction.
Once in a while, I believe that there are moments when clarity, reality and peace all come together. And if you don't stop and have that 'out of body' moment; to listen, to think, to ponder, to take a good evaluating look around, you will miss the opportunity to take a fresh step forward.
I am in one of those moments right now.
A situation in my life, that I have felt was vital, just became less. At the same time I realized that I am truly happy where I am and with me. I feel such a love for those in my life right now (could I have felt this love and peace had I not gone through this vital moment...no I don't think so; again growing pains can bring about great progress). I have also been confronted with questions I had to answer about me and my life, that could only be answered by me....and I was speechless.
This caused me to look closer. To step outside myself, to listen, to think, to ponder and to take that good evaluating look around my life. Not at what I was or what I did or what I thought I had wanted. Not at what my long range goals are or at my big picture. Just at where I am, who I am, what I am doing and what I want right now. I wrote it all down. I didn't think before I wrote, I just wrote what was in my heart. I was very surprised and overwhelmingly delighted with what I had written. Almost like for the first time ever, my spirit, body and mind all got a glimpse of me at the same time. And I cried. What is on this piece of paper is honest, it's for me alone to see. It is plain, just short brief answers. It is clear, no hidden pieces to come back to, just facts and feelings right now. Have you ever listened to someone speak or tell things about you? And you get to see a side of you that others see, from a point of view that you maybe don't see from. I saw that in me. For the first time in my life I felt totally connected with me. I saw where I am, who I am, what I am doing and what I want for right now.
And I like what I saw.
I am grateful to each of my four children, for the interaction I have had with them this week. Small and simple perhaps, but insightful, both into their lives and also into my own. I am grateful for my dear friends. Those I associate with daily, for their love and support, and also for their sassy attitudes and ability to move forward through the adversity they face. I am grateful for friends that I have had forever (or maybe it just feels like forever). For their ability to show me that life is the same and wonderful, as it changes. They are grounded to what they are, and I love that about them. They show me that as life changes, life still goes on, and we can adapt and change with it, without losing who we are or what we want out of it. I am grateful to new friends who are showing me new things, teaching me that life has variety and options, even though we are all looking for the same things. That sometimes doing and viewing from a different vantage point can make all the difference, adding that spice in life we crave.
 Do I know what I want out of life? Yes I think I do. I want to be a happy.