No more ...I have had enough

I find it almost amusing, that when I feel the most empowered that that is the moment that life slams into me like a brick wall. Why is it that when I start to make great personal progress, something happens that stops me cold and demands all the focus and sucks me under. I hear when others remind that no one can bring me down, that I can be strong and not let it effect me. But when it happens so regularly I am posed to assume that perhaps it is just me. I have never thought of myself as weak or soft. I have always taken care of everything that comes my way. But I totally feel spent, depleted, exhausted, unable to continue. I have never felt so alone, or so small and unimportant, inadequate. I want a parent to hold me and make it better, where do you find one of those when you don't have one of your own. I think I am ready for a good closet cry. This too will pass, I know, but I am afraid of what will hit me next.

Room for Improvement

Last week a friend pointed out that I may have some room for improvement as far as my attitude goes....OK. My friend rarely steers me wrong, so I have been studying.

I read "Dinner with a Perfect Stranger" by David Gregory. And although I don't quite agree with all the Biblical points, it was wonderful. Brought me to a much needed place.

Next came "The 5 Love Languages". Wow, I learned alot there too. I learned about me, my kids and about how to fill the love tank!!! This is one I thing everyone should take the time too read!

Yesterday I finished "Gifts & Talents" by Carol Carter. Not as much as I was hoping from it. But as with all the others, some great notes for my journal.

Today I started "Life Coaching for Dummies" by Jeni Mumford. Only a fraction into this one so far. But this may be the one I have been looking for. I have been searching for something to help me feel at peace and in control of my life. To be able to feel like I know me. This has some great points.

I still have "The five People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom, "Ask and It Is Given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks, "Wisdom of the Ages" by Wayne Dyer and "10-10-10" by Suzy Welch on my bed side table, ready to read.

I think I like this hobby of improving me! I needed some direction. I chose the right fork in the road and I am enjoying the journey. But now I feel as though I am making great strides toward finding "me". I recommend the books I have already finished. And would welcome any that my dear friends can suggest!

(I wonder if Nora misses me yet???)

The Castle

I grew up here in Phoenix, I love the Valley. I never knew how much I loved the mountains until I moved out of state, to South Texas, where there were NO mountains. How do you know where you are if you don't have these wonderful landmarks?

When I was a kid I would get up early to draw the McDowell Mountains with pastels. I have always enjoyed early mornings, but I totally fell in love with those mountains that summer.

To me, the boulders of 'Tom's Thumb' looked like a fairytale castle. I was a romantic, even back then, enough to know it was mine. And I didn't have to share it's secrets with anyone. I have always remembered my enchanted stories about my 'Castle on the Mountain'.

Now as I drive to work each morning, and the 101 pulls me east, I look beyond the hurry and have-to, and there, above it all, is my castle.

I was never good with pastels, or drawing for that matter. But I can tell you that the rocky McDowell Mountains hold secrets and beauty, and fairytales.

It's one of my favorite things; a 'Happy Place'!

(I can also tell you that my view of my Castle, from the east bound lanes of the 101, is made all the more wonderful because you are gazing over the Fortress of Solitude. But that is a whole other fantasy!)

Suitably Wicked!

When I headed out of work on Thursday the sky looked wicked. The air was hot and heavy. I was so excited! Jessette was still at school, so I sent her a text and told her there was a big storm coming and to stay put for a while. I hurried home to be with my younger kids! When I got home we turned on the TV to check out the weather channel. We watched the storms progress from Gilbert to Mesa and Tempe, through Phoenix. The intensity was great, the storm cells where colored in yellow and reds, indicating heavy rain. The cloud cover was over the entire valley. When we could see the wind picking up outside we went out front to pull the trash and recycle cans into the garage. As Mark and I stood there watching the storms progression, we viewed the depth of the cloud clover, the awesome formations; the circling patterns, the bubbling, the building of the storm. Thrilling! The thunder sounded as though it rolled consistently from one end of town to the other. And then when I looked straight up, it seemed as though I was looking into a tunnel. As though the clouds went up for miles, and when the thunder cracked again it sounded like it was coming right out of that long tunnel above me. As the wind picked up, the temperature dropped considerately. The air was now cool. And then it started to sprinkle. We headed back inside. The storm cells shown on the TV were now past Glendale and looked to be right over us, but they there not only yellows and reds, but directly over our location was pink! Heavy, intense stuff! So I pointed this out to the kids, and we viewed the unleashing in our back yard! First the wind intensified. Next the sheets of rain came down. Pea sized hail turned to marble sized hail. Then the rain was coming down so hard we couldn’t see the house behind ours. The wind was so strong it looked like the rain was falling horizontally. We must have gotten about three inches of rain in about 10 minutes. It was wonderful! About a half hour after the heavy duty part of the storm had passed us, we all took a drive. It was still raining, but already the City was out moving the fallen trees from the streets. That impressed me! The sunset was bright yellow, it made everything look eerie and cool. Rain fell on and off all night.

As I went to work the next morning, the sky was scattered with huge cloudy patches; providing a wonderful sunrise. As I headed east I could see clouds creeping, like the fog in San Francisco, over the McDowell Mountains. It was awesome!

Need I tell you that I love monsoon season? Yep Yep Yep, I do!