”The other night I was having dinner with a friend and sharing about my foster son. He had been hungry and homeless for the first 12 months of his life. "Well, at least he was so young he can't remember it," she said.
I froze and had to contain my expression. This friend of mine is smart but was so wrong. And I think this may be a common misconception. ..... The truth is, this foster son of mine doesn't have memories of being hungry in his first year of life, yet his brain remembers. The brain builds and functions differently due to this trauma. Trauma including abuse and neglect affects this child's daily decisions, anxiety, and the way he functions with other people because his brain is literally wired different. In this case, it had been years since the hunger, and he still won't stop eating to the point he will vomit. I have now seen this in a handful of our foster kids.
The temporal lobes which regulate emotions and receives input are drastically altered. As seen in this picture. The brain on the left is a healthy and loved 3 year old, the brain on the right is a 3 year old who has been through trauma.
I think we want to believe kids are resilient from trauma because that feels better to digest. But Is there hope? ALWAYS. I have seen kids change and blossom and "rewire" with intentional effort on the parent's part. Dr. Karyn Purvis has groundbreaking education to help this healing and rewiring of neurons. Will the full healing take place on this side of heaven? Maybe. possibly. Not always. And it is always a much slower process than ever hoped. Trauma’s aftermath behaviors don't always add up or come out when expected.
The important take away is that kids of trauma need healing. They may not cry about their trauma. They may not ever talk about it. And this is why many people think they are resilient. They may or may not have memories of their trauma but their brain remembers.
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