It's ok....

I use to talk with God all the time. An ongoing conversation. When things were good and not so good. I felt like we worked together. Somewhere along the way, though, I started to feel like he was checking in from somewhere far away, a long distance relationship if you will. I was still faithful. I still did what I was supposed to do. I felt alone as my reality stared to fall apart, I kept doing what was right, and asking for help. Each time I asked, he would always say "It will be ok." I went for years living with "It will be ok." When you are fed that, time and time again, you tend to lose sight of what ok is, or looks like or how it feels. Yet somehow when the fork in my life happened, I was at peace, I felt good about the choices I made, all the while still hearing only "It will be ok."
I saw a councilor for a while after I stared on my new path. I wanted a road map to the future, he wanted me to explore the darkened paths of my youth. He taught me some amazing things about me. Things I could never have seen differently on my own. I did not grasp those things until some time after I told him I would not be going back. When I saw him the last time, he asked "How are you now?"... I said "I am ok."
I realized then, that maybe I had been waiting for God to help fix my issues. But maybe God was preparing me to fix them on my own.
And sure enough, it's ok, I am OK!



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