Thoughts at 1am

The other day someone wrote to me about their perspective of my life. The achivements, the events I did not have control over, and how I handled what I have been delt. I’ll be honest, it made me uncomfortable. The word bitter was presented. I googled the word to make sure I understood it accurately. And I can say that I do own that word in my personal vocabulary. I think I shove it to the back of my emotional portfolio very well most of the time. But once in a while, usually when I’m on the verge of a break down it oozes to the forefront.
Shortly there after, I was forced to re-examine my own personal fact and fiction status. Sometimes our perception of self is tainted by the good or bad in other people’s words. It is said that sticks and stones may break bones, but that words will not hurt us. That has scientifically been disproven. Words do affect you, and they can alter you. The reality in that is often distorted by the relationship you have with those who are building the image you see of your self. (This is why speaking kind words is vital especially to those you love and nurture)
I found it disturbing and interesting that the perception of me was so vastly different within a matter of days. I had not done anything in that 72 hour time period that changed who I was. Yet the description of my character that was written just days later was alarmingly different. Painfully so.
Shock. Pain. Confusion. Hurt.
Reevaluating all the components was difficult. Knowing where this was coming from, the state of emotion and well-being. The lack of control I possess in the onesided conversation.
Again I was reminded, that perspective comes from the vantage point of the viewer. And if that viewer is wading through muck, often times it is far easier to lash out at the person that cares the deepest for them because throwing muck at someone who cares unconditionally for you, is often times far easier, and emotionally cheaper than rising above it.
Bobby Mattingly said “If you have to hurt other people to feel powerful, you are an extremely weak individual.”
To my critic, I say...
You are the best man I know. You are amazing. You have set the bar.
Life changes, our actions and reactions mold and change the direction of our life path.
Man up, move forward, have a positive attitude and don’t through muck at those that will still stand beside you and will continue to support you. Change is inevitable. It gives you the opportunity to live.
Eek