Saturday, May 19, 2012

2012 ~ 215

Looking back now, I am grateful for divine intervention. Where I was at the age of sixteen wasn't a good place. I can see now, that the choices I made at 16 not only changed my life, but also altered it positively for forever. As I stood firm on my decision, as an advocate for myself, I was faced to make an adult decision. The options I was given where scary to me. I was young, and I knew myself well enough to know I wasn't ready to be grown up. I will forever be grateful for the my choice at sixteen, to step out of my dysfunctional comfort zone and take a very scary step into the unknown. I passed up the chance to be an adult at 16, a chance to be on my own. I knew enough to see that that choice would not lead me to the life I was hoping for. I had seen enough in my short years to know what comes with that path when you are not prepared for it. I wanted better, for me and for generations to come. I chose the option that scared me the most, but that I knew would let me finish being a kid and would let me finish high school. I figured it was the option that gave me the most opportunities for a happy life later down the road.
I am now grateful for an harsh bishop, whom I had inconvenienced because I was in his jurisdiction, he gave me my options. I am so grateful for the Green family for the safe haven they gave me as I made my choice. I am grateful for the friends who stood by me as my name and reputation where slandered. I am so so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for watching out for me, for giving me the opportunity to choose my path. Little did I know he had been setting the stage, he had been whispered sweet fore shadowing to my heart for over a year before. When I look at the big picture now, I see the path had been prepped since I was 14. How lucky I am to have had someone looking out for me, even though I had felt so all alone.
I was blessed to have the opportunity to enter the foster system. It was the choice I made, from the options I was given. At the time it was an unknown obis. It turned out to be a true blessing, a gift.
My foster family was a family I had know for years. I had babysat for them frequently. I already knew, loved and respected this family. They knew me, they knew my situation even though I was unaware that they did. They welcomed me, they accepted me, they loved me. They gave me not only the opportunity to finish high school and be a kid, but they taught me what it was to be part of a happy family. They gave me the understanding and knowledge of happy. I would attempt to live and strive for in all I pursued from that time forward. I can not tell you the gratitude I have for my foster family. The line between foster and family was invisible. I was part of that family, they were mine. I loved them. I always will.
I was not their first foster child, but I was their last. I should have wondered where the others had gone, but I was busy being a kid. I thought that being part was long term. But I see now, that even the parts that feel so right, fit so right, are so right, often are only meant to last a short time.
I see now that this "Life 101" that I am perpetually attending, started way back before I was aware of it.
I am grateful for the life lessons I have had the opportunity to attend. I am grateful for all those who have played a part in my life, who have taught me what I do and do not what to be. I am grateful for my family, the ones I chose to call mine, the ones I love, most of which do not share my blood.
Again, I am so grateful for divine intervention. I am grateful for my life, I am happy.

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