Patience

Patience....
I haven't done it very well in the past. And now I am having to live by it.
I see I am calmer on the outside when I put it to practice. But my insides are a mess.
Calmness is a byproduct of it, so are ulcers and insomnia.
I haven't yet mastered that ability to disconnect my inner screaming panic button.
Yet I know no one else hears it but me, and I am the only one effected by it.
When you have patience all seems to run smoothly, everything in its place.
But really, I think I almost prefer the chaos of  'My Way Now'.
It's a control issue. If I control my patience level, I control my world.
I don't remember when I decided I wanted to live in this world of patience,
I think I like the other avenues a bit better. Perhaps I need to rethink this.