Coming of Age

You know as you watch your kids, you feel what they are feeling, what they are going through.
I watched my son the other day. Usually he is upbeat and comical, but I could tell he just wasn't feeling it. I had been thinking for days that we needed to have a heart to heart but was hoping to have some time to plan out what I would say. As the day grew later I concluded that I would set aside time the next evening for our chat. But by the time I was ready to turn in for the night, Mark was asking if we could talk. So I pulled up a spot at the kitchen counter and I listened. He told me of all of his 'Coming of Age' fears; school, work, friends, relationships, being an adult. You could feel the stress on my poor boy. I so wanted to tell him it would all be fine and Mommy would take care of it. But...I didn't. Instead I welcomed him to the 'Beginning of his Adventure'. I explained that this is his opportunity to explore, navigate and map out what he will do, what things are important, what direction he will follow and where he will go. I let him know that he gets to set the path from here forward. That this is the start of his Life, his Story, his Journey. I wanted him to see that he gets to plan and plot his own adventure. He is in charge, and he can make changes, try new things, pick new path all along the way. I let him know that my goals for him are 1) Try every path that interests you 2) Be who you want to be...you get to live with you all your life, like who you are 3) Be happy everyday!
I could tell my words helped make him feel better, but I know my son needed more. So, I asked him to do a bit of home work the next day. I asked him to 1) Write down the things he enjoys, is good at, that make him happy 2) Make a list of the things he would like to do 3) Chose a fictitious guy [a good citizen, healthy, happy, role model type] and write down the things he is doing in his everyday life at the age of 20, then at 22 then at 25.                                                                                                   After we talked, I told him that I am so proud of the young man he is, and I love him.
The next morning as I was heading to work, I saw a red notebook on the kitchen counter. Inside was the homework I had asked my son to do. There was a list of things that my son does well, things he likes and that make him happy. There was a list of things he wants to do, big things, small things, personal things, adventurous things, melt moms heart amazing things. There was also three paragraphs about a young man, an overview of sorts, about his daily life and what make him him. There on notebook paper I could see my son outlining his life, what paths he will take, what directions he will go, what adventures he will plan and plot. I took a picture of each page, I hope to have him redo this home work exerciser in the years to come, when he again feels the need for the "Life 101" owners manual.
I am so proud of who my son is. I am so glad he is my boy. I am grateful that he is a part of my life, that he is a part of his sisters lives. He is an amazing young boy, he will be an AMAZING man.
This is the last weekend my son will be a child, he turns 18 on Monday. (You know, I have always told my children that my goal as the mom is to raise good, functioning members of society, good citizens, good people. I look at my children and although they are so different, they are each so wonderful. Emmaly is a wonderful wife and mother, she is creating a beautiful world for her family. Jessette is amazingly creative and inspiring, she is truly a beauty to all around her. Cookie is a joy, to listen to and watch as she grows, her personality and imagination are delightful! Mark, is so caring, thoughtful, creative and fun. He is a best friend and a blast to be around!) As he takes this step out of childhood and into manhood, I can say, I am so proud to be his mom. He will be a great example, great leader, a great man. He already is!