The 10 Thought Habits of People
with High Self-Worth
Self-worth
is self-love. It means being on your own team. It means giving
yourself the same respect, dignity, and understanding you want for your
loved ones.
Sounds pretty
good, doesn’t it?
The
consequences of low self-worth can be huge. Depression, risky
behaviors, the willingness to tolerate abusive treatment, and a nagging sense
of failure to reach your own potential are all signs of it.
Indeed, low
self-worth is often the cause — not the effect — of hardships in your life, whether they
are financial, relational, physical, and so on.
So, how do we
improve it? It starts by changing how we think. In this
article, you’re going to learn about ten different thought habits and beliefs
that people with a high sense of self-worth consistently demonstrate.
These are
simple concepts yet may seem strange, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime
struggling with confidence or self-esteem. But consistently working to adopt these
beliefs about yourself can pay off big time in virtually all areas of your
life. So take a few minutes to read through these ten beliefs and then
pick a couple to try on for yourself and see what happens.
10 Thoughts and Beliefs of People with High
Self-Worth
1. No matter what
I’ve done or haven’t done, I’m worthy of love.
A person with
a high sense of self-worth takes responsibility for their
mistakes, but does not degrade themselves for making them. If they
goof, they say, “I did a bad thing” instead of “I am bad.” They say sorry
when they needs to, and do what they can to make things right.
They do not
grieve alone, but lean on their loved ones for support. They know that
they’re not the only person who’s experienced this, and that by sharing
their story with people who have earned the right to hear it, they are taking
good care of themselves.
On the other
side of things, the self-worthy person does not become overly dependent on
success, flattery, or adoration. This person is confident and takes pride in
their achievements, but shows grace and humility, too. They don’t do things to get love; they do
things for the love of them.
This person
welcomes both success and failure — both of
which are useful, largely subjective, and never a barometer of a person’s
worthiness.
2. My
“things” do not define me.
You are not
the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the relationship you do or don’t
have.
Yes, it is
healthy and even fun to enjoy the finer things in life, and a person with
solid self-worth is able to do so joyously. But this same person
also recognizes the impermanence of everything. Money comes and
goes. Relationships end. Accidents happen. Things lose value, break down,
get lost, get old, and die.
The person
who honors their worthiness knows that they can enjoy external
things without attaching their identity to them. They appreciate
what they have while they have it, and wholeheartedly strives to get what
they truly want. But they also know that even without these “things,” they
can still look in the mirror and say, “You are enough.”
3. I am
allowed to feel whatever I’m feeling.
People with
self-worthiness are not “always happy.” They feel all the same
feelings that anyone else feels.
The
difference is that a person with a solid sense of self-worth creates
space for their emotions without feeling guilty about them. They understand that
their emotions are just tools that are helping them pay attention. They
notice their emotions, and allow them to be as they are. Then, when this person
no longer needs those emotions, they simply let them go.
4. I delight in the
joy of missing out.
A self-worthy
person is not afraid to be alone. They love hanging out with their closest
friends and family, but also cherish solo time.
This person
doesn’t go to parties and events simply because they are afraid to be left out. They believe
the people who really matter will always welcome them, and even if they
don’t, they will still be okay on their own.
This person
knows that what other people think about them is none of their business.
They create
time and space for themselves, and honor that by setting firm boundaries. They do not allow
people to encroach on their privacy. They invite people into their life who
have earned the right to be there — and recognize that other people have the
right to invite them in (or not), as well.
5. It’s
not about what happens; it’s about how I respond to what happens.
People who
have a high sense of self-worth haven’t had easier lives than people who
don’t. They simply remember that only they are
responsible for their feelings, thoughts, and actions. They do not stay
stuck in victim-hood, and they don’t spend too much time feeling sorry for
themselves when things hit the fan.
But it’s not
that people with self-worth never feel bad or get down on themselves. They do —
we all do. The difference
comes in how these feelings are handled.
Rather than
getting stuck in what’s “wrong” right now, there is a more powerful way to
approach obstacles and the resulting negative feelings. We can choose to
acknowledge these feelings, forgive ourselves for whatever we labeled as
“wrong,” and move forward with the new information we have gathered because of
these experiences.
6. I do what I love,
and I love what I do.
What do you
value most in life? What do you look forward to doing? What would you do if
knew you couldn’t fail—or what would you still do even if you knew you could fail?
A
self-worthy person puts their needs first. This doesn’t mean
they are selfish — it simply means that they know it is each person’s
responsibility to put their own needs first. They inherently know that they can
only love and help others to the extent that they love and help themselves, so
they make time and set aside energy to invest in the life they want.
The
self-worthy person looks for the “win-win” situations. They are able to
help others by helping themselves. They believe in fair trade and equal
exchange. They find joy in doing what they love, and they honor other people’s
right to do what they love, too.
7. I see
myself in others.
Self-worth
requires the belief that the world is a like a mirror. If people
are judging you, it’s because you are reflecting a part of them that they have
yet to accept. Sure,
their judgment may hurt — but ultimately, it’s about them. It doesn’t have
to become your truth. And
their judgment can only hurt you to the extent that you hold that judgment
against yourself, as well.
The same is
true for when you judge others. Whatever you see in someone else is
something you have in you. To this end, self-worthy people are thankful for the
challenging people in their lives because they see them as opportunities to
learn more about themselves. And these people take heart in seeing the positive
in others, because that means they can see those things in themselves as well.
8. I
believe in something greater than myself.
You don’t
have to believe in God or subscribe to an organized religion to have
self-worth. But having the belief in some “higher power,” some unifying
connection between everyone and everything, can be enough to help you keep
things in perspective — even that part of humanity that existed before you were
born and that you will contribute to and leave behind when you’re gone.
A person
with a high sense of self-worth is neither full of themselves, nor thinks
that the world revolves around them. Instead, this person remembers and is humbled
by their small but important role in the grand scheme of things. Like a
singular wave in a great big ocean, they know they are part of something
greater, and as such are never truly “alone.”
9. Every
day, I find things to be grateful for.
Gratitude is
a daily practice for people with high self-worth. These people appreciate the
small and big gifts of life, and expresses appreciation whenever and however
they can.
It’s pretty
easy to feel grateful when things seem to be going well. A true challenge
is to find things you can say “thank you” for even when you are dealing with one of the greatest challenges of your life. You
can only do this if you are willing to detach your sense of worthiness from
your achievements and your external circumstances.
10. The
story I tell about my life means everything.
The way you think influences the way you live.
If you can
believe this statement, and start changing your thoughts based on
your belief, expect to experience some serious self-growth, new
opportunities, and a deepening and hugely empowering sense of self-love.
So, ask
yourself: What kind of life story are you telling yourself? What do you say
you “always,” “never,” “should,” or “ought to” do? Are these expectations
actually true? Where do they come from?
A person
with high self-worth asks these questions. They may write
them down in a journal or discuss them with a trusted friend, family member, or
therapist. They enjoy the process of learning, and at any moment realize that
they have the power to change their own story.
Think Worthy Thoughts, Take
Worthy Action: The Self-Worth Checklist
For every
empowering and self-loving thought you have, there should also be a
complementary action to support it. Run through this Self-Worth Checklist and make a goal
to start implementing at least one of these nurturing action steps every
week, if not every day:
·
Eat
healthy food.
·
Exercise.
·
Politely
decline invitations to events that you have no interest in attending.
·
Minimize
your alcohol intake.
·
Get a massage.
·
Write
in a journal.
·
State
affirmations to yourself in the mirror.
·
Be
aware (and cut back on) how many times you say the words, “I’m sorry.”
·
Ask
for help.
·
Meditate.
·
Listen
to your favorite music.
·
Treat
yourself to something you love to do.
·
Learn
something new.
·
Do
something that takes you out of your comfort zone.
·
Be
confident in your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
·
Practice
the fine art of letting go.
Got a
friend? Share this list with him or her. Utilize the power in numbers
and make your journey of self-worth a collaborative one with the people closest
to you. The world needs more people operating closer to their fullest
potential, and your commitment to improving your self-worth will
certainly help with that.
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