You

You set the bar
You were everything I always wanted
You were perfect for me
You are gone
He's not you

Luau Party

Good Morning From Maui

Now

I love the way you always talked me through the scary things.
I'm scared now and I miss you.
eek

Today's Gathering

Fog

How do I put one foot in front of the other and move forward when I can't seem to see through the fog? My world is wrong, everything is just not right. I feel like the giant hole in my heart is the black hole sucking in my foggy days.
eek

2:24am

I have a hard time falling asleep.
I have difficulty keeping my mind free of thoughts.
When I finally do sleep, my dreams are scary.
Then I'm awake for hours, some nights I'm up for good.
I miss the sounds of you. I miss you eek

A life of plans

Sent to me by a friend, thank you G.G.S
I have a dear friend that explained that in grief not only are you mourning for that someone that you've lost but you are mourning a life with plans that are totally gone. Finding a new plan and a new life takes an amazing amount of strength and also time.  Be patient with yourself and grieving is personal, no one can tell you how long or when you should be done. I'm sorry you are struggling.

Thoughts

You lost my trust by all the lying.
I lost your trust by telling the truth.
I pushed you away because you could not be honest with me.
You pushed me away because your new lies didn't sync with my truths.


If you ever choose to be completely honest and follow your heart, you know how to find me.
eek

a million times

A million times a day I want to share things with you. 

And a million times a day I have to painfully remember that you are not here. 

I hurt every single time. 

eek

Thank You

I am grateful for the sweet cards, flowers and treasures that I have been given. I am so grateful for the people around me who care about me. You have all been so supportive for so long. Your love for me, and your determination to not let me drown goes beyond my gratitude level. I am numb, my world feels like a war zone, but you are keeping my head above water. I have never felt utter devastation and hopelessness like this before, yet you are all strong for me. I wouldn't be able to make it through a day without you right now. I adore you all. Thank you so much for caring about me.

KIDS

My Son and his Lady sent me treasure, so that I would know I am loved and my Kentuckiana Kids have made sure that I am not alone while I fall apart. (Suicide watch I think.)
I am so greatful for wonderful kids in my life! ❤️

First Step

Where do you want to go?
How much do you want to risk?

Something Just Like This

SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS

Chainsmokers & Coldplay

I've been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman's control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don't see myself upon that list

But she said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss

I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
I want something just like this

I've been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
The testaments they told
The moon and its eclipse
And Superman unrolls
A suit before he lifts
But I'm not the kind of person that it fits

She said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can miss

I want something just like this
I want something just like this

Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo,
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, 

Where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss
I want something just like this

Oh, I want something just like this
Oh, I want something just like this
Oh, I want something just like this

HONESTY

I watched a clip this morning (because I don't know how to sleep) and this little boy was speaking about honesty and how it is vital. I wish everyone valued honesty. The lack of honesty can ruin lives. Enough said.

8/5/2017

Saturday August 5, 2017....the toughest day of my adult life. A new fork in the road. This one was the one that ripped my heart out. But it was my choice, it was the right choice for me. I left the toxic relationship behind. After the pain passes I am sure I will be healthier. But my heart will never be the same.